Taken back a bit....

I am amazed at the support I have gotten from people at work about my decision. I can only pray that the Lord can use the journey He is leading me on to touch other people in my life. I just had a guy at work who I have had difficulty with in the past come up and give is encouragements and support. Even though he is an adament unbeliever he was proud of and amazed at my decision to follow God's calling.

What next?

Well, now I need to learn more about how this is going to happen. Pastor Bobby and I are going up to visit Fruitland Baptist Bible Institute in Hendersonville, NC in a few weeks. I am excited about seeing the campus and learning about the program. The more I think about what's ahead of me I realize that the only way it will happen is if He provides the way...
I mean, it just seems so huge and the task so impossible. I have never been a great student or speaker and He wants me to teach His word...God please show me the way.

Trust & Obey

As many of you know I have been seeking direction for my future for quite some time. I have not been happy with my job or my career for a long time. Well, in the past 1 1/2 years I have seen my income drop to 1/3 of what it used to be. A few months ago my family decided we had no choice but to move in with my in-laws. However we knew that would not be enough and that I still needed to have a change of direction. I had sent out dozens of resumes with no luck and to be honest, with no real interest in any of those jobs. Well, finally I decided I had to pick a direction and go in it. A couple of months ago I told Crystal that I was going to sign up for a class A CDL course this August if nothing else came up. She was not thrilled but understood I was trying to do whatever was necessary to support our family.

A few weeks ago, the Saturday before Palm Sunday, I was working and all day long I kept feeling this urge to pray for direction. What I kept thinking was that I wanted to tell the Lord that I needed His help. I wanted to tell Him that if He wanted me to go somewhere else to let me know. I also wanted to tell Him to please make it obvious because He knows how dense I can be sometimes. Well, I tried stopping by the Chapel but it was closed that evening. So I went home where I had a hard time finding a quiet place. The next day I was on stage for the Palm Sunday performance and I kept picturing the image of Jesus riding into Jerusalem on that Sunday morning. I kept thinking what a shining example of obedience He is to us because He knew where that road was heading yet He proceeded obediently to do the Father's will.

I guess I should say at this point that I normally serve as a counselor at the 11:00 service (I know some of you are rolling on the floor right now). Well, my job is to be available to help with anyone who wants to join the church, accept Christ, or has any other needs. I was not planning on being there that day because of the choir schedule but at the last minute realized that I could get there to be available if needed. After the service was over and the greetings were done, Pastor Bobby asked me if he could have a word with me. I said sure. He told me that I had been on his mind lately and felt he needed to ask me if I had ever thought about going into the ministry. I was in shock. I tried to answer his questions and give some reasons why I could not. He already had an answer to one of my biggest obstacles which was a school that provides all the training without needing a college degree. I told him I would think and pray about it. Since then, my mind has done back flips with the debate inside my head. I have prayed about it numerous times and every fiber of my being tells me this is where He wants me to go. I have no idea how God can use "me", but He must have a plan. I know some of you will think I am nuts and have gone off the deep end but until you believe in the power of prayer and have faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior you may never understand. For those that do, please don't think this is something that I am "fit" for or "obvious". I can think of many people who would be a better fit for it. Like I said I don't know what He will use me for but only he can do it.

Today I went forward and announced my intentions to pursue a life in the ministry with all the support of my family and brothers and sisters in Christ. We have no idea how this will happen or where He will send us but we are going to trust in Him.

I will follow...

     After a lot of prayer and looking back at the past four years I have decided that God has been leading me this whole time and guiding me this moment.  I was holding off to be sure of how Crystal felt.  I did not realize that she was sure she would follow wherever I am led.

    I believe in my heart that God is calling me to the ministry.  I don't know where He will lead us or how I can serve Him but I don't want to spend a lifetime running from His will.  He has supported us even in the worst of times so I trust that He will no matter what.  Pastor Scott told me that if I am being called to the ministry, nothing else will appeal to me or satisfy me.  I believe he's right.  I can't think of anything else I would even remotely want to do.  Even if I won the Lotto I have felt for a long time that I would be able to start a variety of charitable support organizations and dedicate my time to full time volunteer work.

     So, Father please guide my steps as I commit my life to your service and let your Word light my path.

Rough beginnings

I spoke to my Dad yesterday.  Who would have thought my Dad would support the idea of me going into the ministry.  He said he had been praying about that recently and was not at all surprised.  Neither was Julie.  He told me about some Pastors he knows that had equally rough starts.  I am reading about the Apostles.  I felt compelled to try and understand who they were before they were called.  The more Ithink about it, most people who served the Lord did not have the best of beginnings.  Rehab & Mary Magdalen were both prostitutes and Rehab ended up being one of Jesus's ancestors while Mary was one his most famous followers.
""God demonstrates His own love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.""

Romans 5:8

Still listening...

     Well, I am approaching the end of holy week with Easter being tomorrow.  I have not yet come to a conclusion but I have slept better all week than I have in a long time.  How do we really know when Good ia calling us?  Once we do,how do we go about surrendering.  Sometimes I feel like analyzing a situation to make a decision shows a lack of faith but others I feel like it is just that I am trying to be sure of God's will in this matter.

This is the McDonald's we stopped at for breakfast in Ashville, NC

""God demonstrates His own love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.""

Romans 5:8

Israel

I think I really understand the name "Israel". Pastor Hal 

mentioned that Jacob wrestled with God all night. Because 

of that He changed Jacobs name to Israel. I always had

trouble understanding this passage. I guess I always

focused on the physical impossiblity of someone "wrestling"

with God. Only now do I consider that maybe it is talking 

about a battle of wills.

Getting out of my own way.

I have heard it said many times that we need to get out of our own way when it comes to serving God...I am starting to see that first hand. I have all kinds of reasons I am coming up with why I can't, shouldn't, or why there has to be someone else and what's really bad is I also have many of the reasons why those excuses don't hold water. So what is holding me back? What is keeping me from taking that first step?

What I am really finding strange is that I am falling asleep better the past few nights and getting up easier than I have in months.  Overall I feel rested and alert.

Why didn't anyone tell me?

I have spoken to several people now that when I asked them why someone would suggest I go into the ministry respond, "Well, isn't it obvious?" Now I am wondering what they are seeing that I did not. Jimmie reminded me tonight that he suggested the same thing to me a few months ago.

Seeking guidance

I have been praying for guidance for a long time.  I came to Christ in the fall of 2005 and have been feeling ever since that God had a plan for my life that I have not found yet.  I had started teaching a few months prior and wondered if there was a purpose behind it.  

Less than a year later my family and I had the opportunity to transfer to NC.  We we were interested but nervous about whether it was the right place for us and I was having trouble locating a church we would like.  I spoke to our Pastor, Scott Polling, and reassured us that if God was behind our decision to move that he already had a place picked out for us.  I felt like we were supposed to go.  The very next week I found it.  It was like I knew right away that was where God wanted me to go.  I started listening to the sermons online about 6 months before we moved so I was excited to go.

When we got here and got settled in we decided to take a trip over to the church and check it out in the middle of the week.   Crystal could not believe I had picked a church so far from home.  I kept saying I wanted to try it out.  Sunday morning finally came around.  When we arrived at church we found out it was a guest speaker.  At first I was like "Oh no.", since I was anxious to hear the Pastor teach.  It turned out the speaker was a man named Mark Cahill.  He was a fantastic speaker and very fired up about the Gospel and reaching the lost.  It was like I knew instantly that this was where God wanted us.

In the past 2 1/2 years we have lived here that church has become a home to us full of beloved family members that have been such a part of our lives I can't imagine being somewhere else.  Well, in that time my job has taken a turn for the worse.  I left teaching because even though I enjoyed it I was not crazy about education for profit.  I went back into a shop which has been a heavy struggle because since I was saved I have changed a lot and I am not used to the swearing and the atmosphere in a shop.  I have never felt comfortable here and feel like it brings out the worst in me.  I have struggled since day one and never really felt like I was called to be here.  Well, with the financial crisis this country is going through I have really started seeking anything that will support my family but what I really want is something that I could both support my family and reach others for Christ.  I am happiest when I am serving our church and have previously wondered if God has been nudging me in that direction.  However I also have felt like David and don't know if I am worthy to walk that road.

Well recently I decided with the blessing of my in-laws that we would move in with them, since my paycheck is less than half of what it used to be, and go to school for my class A CDL.  That would allow me to start providing a better life for my family and have the opportunity to reach others.  I decided that I had sent out enough resumes that if God wanted me to do something else, He would let me know by the end of the summer.  Last Sunday, Palm Sunday, Pastor Bobby stopped me and told me that I had been on his mind and was wondering if I had ever thought about going into ministry.  He said he knew a school that did not require a college degree and I could transfer the credits later if I wanted to get one.  I was blown away.  Now I feel like Gideon asking, "O.K. God, if that was your sign...give me another one to let me know.   So just when I thought I had everything figured out, now I am really in turmoil.  So now I am talking to different people like he suggested to see what their call was like and asking God to guide me...